if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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