I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
