I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He better not be in your backpack
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize