i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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