i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
