The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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