I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
