so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
