After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
