I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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