so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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