and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
