I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
