3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
