He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
