I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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