He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
