i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
