Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
