Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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