I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize