I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
