Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
