You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
