i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
