At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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