My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
