So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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