I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
