she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
