Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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