cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
