Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize