I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
