I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
