Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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