woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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