omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
