Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
