my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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