If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
