Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
