Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
