I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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