Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
