You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
