ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it's like iHOP with fire
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
