his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
