I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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