So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
