I need help removing her.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
