They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
