You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
