im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
