the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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