Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize