I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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