I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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