first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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