just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
