I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
honey bunches of taint.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize