well I can't set my house on fire every night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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