Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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