Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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