You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
