You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize