I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
