we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
