just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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