If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Someone shattered a urinal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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