"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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