We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Girls should come with a carfax report
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
