You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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