Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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