I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
