you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
