Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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