if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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