You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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