a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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