you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
