Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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