but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
