Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
