omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize