i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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