put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
