Screwed.edu
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
