I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
