I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
