I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
