I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
