Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
