Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
