just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
