you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize