I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
