Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
