Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
