Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
